We connect to a database in java to suck down records that are in memory on another machine and force a transaction scope over Ethernet just so we can do a for loop, mutate a few things then send it back. Why.

All correct, yet many people actually built systems that relied heavily on stored procedures and it ended up being a complete structural mess. (Personally, I fear for the same outcome for many serverless projects.)

Was that because of the technology? Or the people?