I have lived nearly 10 years from those prognosis of bone marrow failure and decompensated liver disease. I can't tolerate any of the treatments including the diagnostics Mom and Grandma both had forms of lymphoma mom also had ovarian cancer. Grandma did not make it mom did at 83

I started bleeding at 4:00 it got a lot worse it never stopped until 48 and now 12 years later it started again with pain so severe these last 6 weeks I've been crying. I only found out it was cancer through the portal. I've defied prognosis before but palliative and hospice?

I'm in pain a lot of it physically and my heart is broken because of all the love given to me that I won't ever be able to give back in time. I'm sad no I'm mad because all of this could have been prevented if somebody had paid attention to my whole being and not my parts.

I'm not ready to die because I'm not done living my life has quality and my kitty honey I won't leave her if I can. This is going to kill me and I wish I had done something to deserve it because I don't who gets such a life so blessed and painful. It's too extreme. And I am alone

Friends come by they tell me I'm full of s*** I look fine or they tell me I'm crazy or whatever they have to say and they're not friends really if they don't care I know I don't care anymore about the future of nothing. I just want to know how pain that makes me scream will stop.

I've tried it all and I'm sitting here now able to get every kind of opioid or controlled substance like I care I hate opiates I'm going to start using ibuprofen which works and also destroys platelets like crazy. If it's an external bleed it's peaceful and painless.

To every person who hurt me I don't know how to feel because I don't hate you but the reason is is because I've had a world of Wonder and life and gold because of community and friendship. Please don't kill the web it was my salvation and so were you oh who cared about it and me.

I will continue as long as I can to do the job that I have set out to do that is the best I can offer. I made so many mistakes and it was so stupid to take care of other people that didn't deserve it before myself. I regret so much especially that I won't be seeing you f2f again.

I'm sorry I'm selling so sad but I am but I can't help it and I needed to tell you because life really sucks sometimes and I want to remember the good stuff the friendships please keep me reminded of them please. I have loved you all even if you didn't know it or care I believe.

Selfless lady, you have given so much. It’s shit you’re in pain and so sad. There are those of us who - even for a short time - are lucky enough to have shared space with you, have broken bread with you, and know your worth. I’m glad you’ve beaten the odds. Sending love, Mols x