I'm having a hard time. I'm doing work as best I can but I started to have a lot of pain and bleeding in places that a woman my age should not be bleeding from about 8 weeks ago they want to move me from palliative to hospice because it provides more services and more drugs.
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They gave me a loads of Oxycodone 5 mg I hate opiates I don't take them I took one because I was in pain it didn't do anything I didn't feel it and I didn't feel any pain relief. Very low dose of Xanax after I stopped benzos totally after 39 years did nothing to take pain away.
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They want to up the dosage of opiates of Xanax they want to give me other drugs and I don't want them they want to give me a daily nurse I don't want one I don't want that. If I get too bad they won't do anything but up the opiates when the time comes for full-time nursing which
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I do not need that they will not do it at home under Medicare I would have to go to a nursing home which is exactly what I don't want I don't want to go anywhere medical I don't want to be over-medicalized I don't want the big Pharma crap. I will not die before honey who is 17.
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Those were in my twenties and exactly 364 days apart. I ruptured ovarian cysts and it haverts massively into my gut the first time it was directed surgery the second time I went to the ER and she told me I had bad gas the nurse didn't look like she agreed and she got me a phone
Feb 23, 2023 · 3:36 PM UTC
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I called my friend who was a surgeon at that hospital and she came there in 10 minutes and within an hour I was in surgery if I had been treated for gas pains I would have died that so I was when they found the first evidence my blood was completely messed up and it went away.
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I don't know why my body and myself have so much energy and to come across so naturally a friend told another friend they didn't believe there's anything wrong with me I've had this so many times it really hurts why would anybody who loves her work and loves life and friendship
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Makeup two diseases that will end in my death if nothing gets me first? I have not going to a nursing home I refuse anymore medical environments at least they come to me they're bringing ultrasound and x-ray to my house just to see what maybe causing the bleeding. I already know.
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It's either in or behind the left ovary I'm so proud and really thought that one of the reasons I've survived so long as I have every single one of my organs which they wanted to take so many of. I will not let them do anything invasive no more. I don't want sympathy but advice.
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I will not die a slow death of morphine overdose I will not suicide myself because that could be hard to do and I could screw it up I want death with dignity and there are only nine states and you have to be a resident terminal which I have twice over and survived 10 years now
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I don't want to be in pain if I could take ibuprofen or an anti-inflammatory I bet you it would work better than these stupid opiates that do nothing most make me very sick I can tolerate instant release oxycodone and Demerol which they don't use anymore. All of it shortens life
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It does not extend it and staying off those drugs has helped me except for getting off of clonazepam which is exactly the moment when all all of this started who knows why maybe it was masking pain I don't know but I didn't have the bleeding.
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My mother had ovarian cancer she miraculously survived because it was encapsulated and they caught it early. Then she survived Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma of the brain. And it was getting better at 84
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I have not treated myself as well as she did she was very athletic I have like certain elicit substances since 14 when I was given them by men other than pot which I tried myself. I was not an alcoholic but I was a binge Drinker for 6 years very heavy toward the end and I stopped
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In one day I got myself off of opiates prescribed I got myself off of 38 years of prescribed high dose benzos which is very very hard I did it and they all wanted the credit like we were a team and we won know there was no team I self initiated I did the work they were not there.
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Most of my pain is from medicine not from anything I did to myself which should have caused I wish it caused my problems because then I can blame something I can hate myself for hurting myself but there is nothing I ever did myself has hurt me more then the US Healthcare System.
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