When you describe something dark, such as skin, you presumably aren't using the word dark to mean something bad. The main advocates I have seen for this renaming are designers with dark skin and it isn't that hard to stop using a phrase when someone tells us it hurts them.

I recommend you start by reading @CandiWrites thoughts on it, she has explored these things and since deceptive patterns and deceptive design are much more descriptive as to the issue, it seems like a remarkably simple switch.

Thank you so much for the suggestions. I've been deceived enough in my life and I'm not long for it so I have to choose my priorities at this point and deception is definitely not one of them but I do understand that within context it makes sense to so I appreciate the thought

They're not colors perhaps but they all seem very negative to me to be exploitative to be manipulative to be harmful our patterns that really exist what should we call them I'm just struggling here I'm struggling for answers that's all I'm not trying to cause conflict at all

The term dark patterns in web design has been specifically used to refer to manipulative and exploitative patterns, such as making it very hard for someone to choose to end a subscription, that's the issue with it.

If you are talking about patterns in general that aren't specifically harmful or helpful, you don't need to call them anything other than patterns or design patterns. Hopefully that makes sense.