I was not borderline but I did and still do have occasionally severe panic disorder and occasional acute anxiety the idea that women could have PTSD at that time was unheard of. Much less complex trauma. I was placed on diazepam AKA valium a benzo Mother's Little Helper?
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They don't address this but benzos are especially in long-term and high dosage considered the most dangerous withdrawal without a taper process. By the time for years had passed I was on a different one called Lorazepam 10 mg insane amount. Didn't phase me didn't help me sleep.
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Benzos did calm me and I felt physically some relief from the pain I was in and I used cannabis though that it wasn't medical yet and told my doctor who said moderation.
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They kept me on 10 mg of Lorazepam which is a very high dose they don't even give inside of psychiatric wards unless you have such an incredibly high tolerance or very physically big at the time I was not at all that I was 15 lb overweight not that much.
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At that point after finding out I had been betrayed and lied to and so had my mother which pissed me off more than my broken heart my drinking got worse. I had another major depressive episode doctor kept me hospital for 3 days reduced the benzo to 7 or so but kept the Prozac
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I was continuing to drink now alcohol Prozac lorazepam and sometimes marijuana which didn't make it worse but it didn't make it better. Around this time I began to have extremely heavy Menchie's I had that I'd had a lot of bleeding problems before but it had turn off and on
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I got out I continued working I traveled the world I'll never forget going to Oslo I was hemorrhaging so badly as I was walking up a hill of pure white snow bleeding through a tampon and three pads drops of blood in Oslo
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It got really bad and I was starting to feel really bad physical pain. 5 years and I started to slow down get into a moderation Management program tried AA I couldn't handle it they confess their whatever's and then go to a restaurant or a bar and Get Drunk Together
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My bone marrow failed 2013 LAX coming home from the free and popular open web Camp I started with David story later John folio cuz he was at Stanford and we got to do it at Stanford and others that was the fifth year. I woke up with a small bruise and it didn't look right at all
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Got onto the plane in San Jose made it to LAX was waking up being transfused my body was skin on my body all black and blue our beloved Joseph O'Connor #11y was holding my hand. I didn't know where I was who called him does anybody remember? Thank you so much he stayed with me.
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They weren't sure I should fly but it was only an hour and 20 minutes or less so after transfusions and the night of rest they let me finish the journey and I went directly from there to home to hospital. I began immunotherapies and blood and I really don't remember anything much
Jul 14, 2022 · 3:19 AM UTC
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Hey Rob things happened between 2013 and my heart completely stopped in 2014 in the week after my brother got married and I was fortunately resuscitated without paddles just CPR.. I was sent home with a woman I thought was my friend for many years gave her two weeks. Turned into
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2 years I don't remember almost anything except screaming and yelling as I was bleeding and injecting myself and going through chemo and finally the adult protection services intervenes and eventually got her out. I had two years of bliss when my deer Ray from my twenties came
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He was a physician he could take care of me and he did and we had a beautiful couple of years together and then he died. My mother is sick she said please come some of this you know or could have read yesterday long story last long the Prozac went up to 40 mg and began to rage.
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To her credit the psychiatrist to wasn't sure whether to up my dosage or take me off realized I was going into SSRI induced psychosis it's a real thing look it up. The psychiatrist said stop now and I did and I stabilized. That's when I began to realize it was time to return but
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Even with the wonderful GoFundMe that people raised all gone to treatment I had to pay out the rest of the lease on the place I was living so I sold the home for money lost all the contents my grandmother's porcelain my mother said to come to her this is not linear I realize
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I came back to Tucson found that beautiful Ranch out west where I healed for a year and came back into town covid hit I stopped taking the rest of the Prozac and my white count and my platelets improved and the fog began to lift I found the lovely apartment I live in now.
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I began to improve gain weight sleep better except I had one or two problems along the way but not wretched horrible things just sadness and Trauma and I sought help I was down from 5 mg than a Klonopin another benzo to one all done by me and my husband not the PCP who is useless
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I went to another doctor in hopes I can get off of the last medication and only use medical cannabis as needed. He said I think you should stay gone this but I won't give you any other meds and I said I don't want any other meds I want off of these but no. Old demons emerged
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I got into trauma therapy I did IOP during covid which is intense outpatient for severe trauma no meds except the 1 mg of clonazepam a day which is a low dose I want it off of it but I knew that as you'll see in that video the very end state of getting off of benzos is the worst
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The worst and most possibly deadly withdrawal from any of those drugs especially after long-term use and high dosage. Finally in January this year I fired my physician I was desperate for someone to help me get off the last of those medications I didn't want surgeries or drugs.
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I fired him in January and found a new PCP who's very nice I like him a lot gheenoe what I needed he talked to my oncologist hematologist he did his due diligence and he made it clear I had to go elsewhere for Behavioral Health and psychiatric Med withdrawal. They gave me a list
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No one would help that last stage they thought I wanted more or something I don't know there's a story but I don't want to go into it now. I called them back last week and I called my insurance and I was running out of the meds and you can't stop them abruptly this is not a joke.
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I finally found a therapist this week I saw her Tuesday I begin my final withdrawal from 1 mg of medication any kind got your psychiatric except for medical cannabis as needed. I want to be pharmaceutical free I want to be minimal medical I hate hate the system passionately
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I began to find information like I'm sharing with you today a couple of weeks ago that really nailed it for me and tomorrow I begin the last withdrawal tomorrow morning by taking half the morning dose and the evening dose for 7 days we then review unless I'm having a bad time
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Within the next month I will be free of all prescription drugs and it will only be up to me to pick up that medical cannabis for sleep or appetite stimulation or relaxation if I need or want. Otherwise no more meds of any kind down from 31 to 1 medications 2013.
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That is my horrible tail and it doesn't even include what I went through medically but the psychiatric portion please help me if you see me get upset as I'm already getting but I'm not yet into any withdrawal process I'm just emotional but I want to ask you all the next few weeks
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Might be really hard. Then again they might not I'm under proper Medical Care I'm determined to live life free of any psychiatric drug or medicine and I use the Cannabis very sparingly these days only. It is medical and it is dispensed under medical guidelines.
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If there's anyone going through anything similar I will be your support buddy but I'm going to need you probably maybe I won't I hope I won't I mean I always need you but I might not the better self I've been recently or even really whacked out please understand help if you can?
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I know I'm not alone the world is filled with this kind of pain and I wanted to stop and I swear I will work hard to bring this to that table for accessibility for Humanity for the memory of my husband and mother for my kitty cat who's growing old and right here beside me now.
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I know I didn't do this I am brave and I am strong I Want to Be Free of addictive substances for once in myI Want to Be Free of addictive substances for once in my blessed life I have a caregiver thanks to an industry leader who has given me so much.
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