I am grateful to all people who have accepted the intensity and extreme nature of my being. I tried to conform. Worked to behave. I have failed at even with professional help for over half a century. Any ideas how I can explain it without feeling such shame and failure?

Being human is freaking hard. I feel like I fail at it pretty much every day. The shame I think is a lie and deception. I think it tries to insert itself whenever we get real about ourselves. Being real is strength & being real is transparency, and maybe it’s also a superpower.

Clint I used to say things exactly like that and I know they're true and yet they seem so far away so I thank you so much for writing words so very similar to something I've said it got through my head thank you so much.

I want to thank you for what you said because as I read it I was reading myself as well. It helped me feel like some of these same struggles aren’t just me.

As a follow-up to this I think the human struggle is just part of the package. we feed the bad stuff we don't encourage kindness and decency. My family had good ethics but a lot of abuse and cruelty. Not one of the kids has had kids for a reason we all agreed it ends with us.

I agree it’s part of the package. I’m the end of the family line too. Cue Morrissey…

Are you an only child may I ask Clint I wonder about that because my brothers and I have talked about it in detail and agreed that that was the choice we were all going to make not to my mother's pleasure as one might imagine. But it ends with us and so it is going to be.

Yeah I am. And as I've gotten older, on a few occasions I've apologized to my parents for not giving them grandchildren. They are rad parents and are cool with it, but I see their faces light up anytime someone brings a baby or kid around them. So, sigh.