I am grateful to all people who have accepted the intensity and extreme nature of my being. I tried to conform. Worked to behave. I have failed at even with professional help for over half a century. Any ideas how I can explain it without feeling such shame and failure?

May 25, 2022 · 10:32 PM UTC

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Replying to @mholzschlag
We love the intensity of your nature. Keep being you. Even when the black dog is trying to persuade you otherwise. You being has and continues to make positive difference to the lives of so many people.
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Thank you darling wasn't the black dog I was horrified yet again this month with kids in Texas the amount of murders in this month alone much less in the last decades is a problem and we have to fix it. But being upset about a horrible tragedy is . Otherwise I'm really good EXO
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Replying to @mholzschlag
You owe no explanations.🤘
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I feel as if people want me to give them explanations so I do and then I'm told I'm lying I look too well or I'm so vivacious. I invite them to Rachel swartout at any time to hear a professional point of view. She even has a lovely private room at Arizona Oncology just for that.
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Replying to @mholzschlag
To be mercurial is to be human. It is the secret ingredient of dialog that is remembered, not just uttered. I for one thank you for giving me lasting impressions and corrections.
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Try explaining 10 cytopenia with splenic sequestration mass and fibrocystic liver brain bleeds skull fractures hematomas purpura complex trauma and look normal most of the time. I let them in I should not ever. Only this community nose you were there you save me my heart is yours
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Replying to @mholzschlag
Being human is freaking hard. I feel like I fail at it pretty much every day. The shame I think is a lie and deception. I think it tries to insert itself whenever we get real about ourselves. Being real is strength & being real is transparency, and maybe it’s also a superpower.
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Clint I used to say things exactly like that and I know they're true and yet they seem so far away so I thank you so much for writing words so very similar to something I've said it got through my head thank you so much.
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Replying to @mholzschlag
You’re only human.
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Yeah maybe more than one human because I have so many different peoples genetic material inside me at this point to have stimulated my stem cells to keep me alive there might be thousands inside me funny LOL. You always make me laugh. It's that silly dad face stuff you do so well
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