I want to be happy but I'm terrified I have no support Ivan. I'm alone in this world as I do that I'm part of that because I don't invite people in I keep it at Bay and I want to do things on my own. I have to admit I can't and I hate it I freaking hate it. Thank you though

Ivan I know you're being sweet but I don't think you realize that my immunological problems are of themselves deadly. We don't know what's going to happen to me and no one is there for me I'm scared I can't drive myself I have to wait around for an Uber I don't know what to do.

You didn't Ivan it's me I'm the one belittling myself I don't have this skill set to deal with need and fear. I'm an alpha I was trained and even forced to never think of being dependent in this way. I was the family nurse caregiver.

I know I understand the intellectual reality I don't have it in my emotional being. It just is a void that I don't know how to work on that except to go to my therapy appointment now thank you at least I do get out there I get help the best way I know how