As a perceived "bad child" I hated myself. I've been a stage ho all my life. I want attention and respect and compassion I don't feel I got enough of in my formative years. I have done some truly stupid cruel acts. But terrible is a proportion bias and fallacy I let rule me.

I have such great joy in the pain, because I was gifted/cursed with profound empathy. The world suffers, you suffer, I will suffer always. I'm learning to go easier on myself with that, but that is the heart of my passion. I knew from childhood I would not be living a quiet life.

Suffering is not a race, it is a mass sport: try not to excel