It is the true teacher who leaves the class knowing they have learned the most.
Tucson, AZ
Joined September 2006
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quetiapine and olanzapine were brutal on the marrow too, but spared the reds - hematocrit and hemoglobin didn't get as harmed for as long. But damn, what this stuff does to our bodies beyond the CNS is just horrifying!
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How long did it take to taper, and may I ask dose/years/specific benzos? I'm sorry your CNS is still messed up. It took a year after SSRI cessation for my neutrophils in the white cells to come up a bit. I have never seen normal, but both white cells and platelets were extreme.
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Let's do that! Serotonin theory well, a lot of us were catching onto already. I'm in benzo tapering hell. Got off the SSRIs a few years back OMG different person! Been on Tricyclics, Compazine, Seroquel, Olanzapine, no damned doc in Tucson knows what's going on, refuses to help.
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Fun Factory Hippocrates didn't say first you know harm in the Hippocratic Oath it's written elsewhere LOL
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So that's benzo withdrawal. Negative freaked incoming Doom. About four more days I'll be in real dangerous territory. Closer you get to nothing the worse it is . it is awful torture. Embarrassing. The hypocritic oath? First do all harm?
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Nah I'm just stubborn and I like people and I like life but I really do not like the fact that people in medicine and big Pharmaceuticals have an agenda to hurt and take everything they can from other people I want them all to rot in the worst kind of hell.
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I take 1mg Clonazepam only now. EPO, Neupogen. Promacta. Neurontin. Tramadol. Prednisone . Interferons. Oxycodone Lorazepam. Prozac. Miracle mouthwash Methocarbamol. 11, 000 usd per month. I stopped all, reduced the benzo from 5mg to 1. A few doctors said I need that 1 mg forever
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Do not pity, do not try to help me, do not despair of or for me. Enough of that shit. I will live or die on my terms now. And I'm choosing life. Fuck US HEALTH AND BIG PHARMA. I stopped hurting myself, you kept on hurting me. Fuck them. Bless you. xo/m
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I am nobody's victim. I am responsible for myself and the deadly life of medical harm (iatrogenia) is on them. There won't be justice. There never is. But there will be joy, for me. And I curse the harm doers. I curse them all. If you know a real doctor, I'll take the info.
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This picture is thousands of dollars worth of mostly useless pharmaceuticals I spent years on, with two that actually worked and the rest benign, 3 extremely harmful and I got lucky there - I could have gone instantly blind as other patients have. I will rise up, I will triumph.
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I'll figure it out. I want to enjoy these better times. It was MY decision to stop this stupid drug, get away from the other clinic which wanted to cut me open and that would have killed me. He told me in December I had mere weeks. I'm actually medically BETTER. Not from them.
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What breaks my heart more than anything is the absolute lack of care shown to me by the person who is supposed to be helping, and I had to pay her for five minutes of her time and no counseling, which is not what she should provide. I curse her. She harms. She is cold. Therapist?
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I'm going to call @UHC again, they have been trying. They are not succeeding either. There are online clinics but the only ones that can taper safely are not covered by any insurance. They are drug dealers for rich people. Fuck that shit. The other legal option is less costly.
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an SSRI (FUCK NO), Gabapentin (Useless) and Hydroxizine, which may calm me but will not stop seizures. They are not a good sign, especially that I lost hours and woke up on the floor once, and halfway out the balcony door on the concrete when Honey started yowling for me, sweet.
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It is not my time to go. I know this, I will not die, I will try every legal source and if I can't find one, I will find an illicit one. I say this without fear of repercussion. If the law wants to deal with my sorry ass, they will at least get me a doctor. The NP insisted I add
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I have called national, state, local resources from hotline, warmline, VA, all. They are all very kind, and are also saying I have to find an actual psychiatrist who knows how to properly taper long term benzos. I could use a therapist too for the duration of this horror.
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