It is the true teacher who leaves the class knowing they have learned the most.
Tucson, AZ
Joined September 2006
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Even with the wonderful GoFundMe that people raised all gone to treatment I had to pay out the rest of the lease on the place I was living so I sold the home for money lost all the contents my grandmother's porcelain my mother said to come to her this is not linear I realize
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To her credit the psychiatrist to wasn't sure whether to up my dosage or take me off realized I was going into SSRI induced psychosis it's a real thing look it up. The psychiatrist said stop now and I did and I stabilized. That's when I began to realize it was time to return but
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He was a physician he could take care of me and he did and we had a beautiful couple of years together and then he died. My mother is sick she said please come some of this you know or could have read yesterday long story last long the Prozac went up to 40 mg and began to rage.
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2 years I don't remember almost anything except screaming and yelling as I was bleeding and injecting myself and going through chemo and finally the adult protection services intervenes and eventually got her out. I had two years of bliss when my deer Ray from my twenties came
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Hey Rob things happened between 2013 and my heart completely stopped in 2014 in the week after my brother got married and I was fortunately resuscitated without paddles just CPR.. I was sent home with a woman I thought was my friend for many years gave her two weeks. Turned into
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They weren't sure I should fly but it was only an hour and 20 minutes or less so after transfusions and the night of rest they let me finish the journey and I went directly from there to home to hospital. I began immunotherapies and blood and I really don't remember anything much
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Got onto the plane in San Jose made it to LAX was waking up being transfused my body was skin on my body all black and blue our beloved Joseph O'Connor #11y was holding my hand. I didn't know where I was who called him does anybody remember? Thank you so much he stayed with me.
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My bone marrow failed 2013 LAX coming home from the free and popular open web Camp I started with David story later John folio cuz he was at Stanford and we got to do it at Stanford and others that was the fifth year. I woke up with a small bruise and it didn't look right at all
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It got really bad and I was starting to feel really bad physical pain. 5 years and I started to slow down get into a moderation Management program tried AA I couldn't handle it they confess their whatever's and then go to a restaurant or a bar and Get Drunk Together
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I got out I continued working I traveled the world I'll never forget going to Oslo I was hemorrhaging so badly as I was walking up a hill of pure white snow bleeding through a tampon and three pads drops of blood in Oslo
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I was continuing to drink now alcohol Prozac lorazepam and sometimes marijuana which didn't make it worse but it didn't make it better. Around this time I began to have extremely heavy Menchie's I had that I'd had a lot of bleeding problems before but it had turn off and on
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At that point after finding out I had been betrayed and lied to and so had my mother which pissed me off more than my broken heart my drinking got worse. I had another major depressive episode doctor kept me hospital for 3 days reduced the benzo to 7 or so but kept the Prozac
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They kept me on 10 mg of Lorazepam which is a very high dose they don't even give inside of psychiatric wards unless you have such an incredibly high tolerance or very physically big at the time I was not at all that I was 15 lb overweight not that much.
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Benzos did calm me and I felt physically some relief from the pain I was in and I used cannabis though that it wasn't medical yet and told my doctor who said moderation.
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They don't address this but benzos are especially in long-term and high dosage considered the most dangerous withdrawal without a taper process. By the time for years had passed I was on a different one called Lorazepam 10 mg insane amount. Didn't phase me didn't help me sleep.
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I was not borderline but I did and still do have occasionally severe panic disorder and occasional acute anxiety the idea that women could have PTSD at that time was unheard of. Much less complex trauma. I was placed on diazepam AKA valium a benzo Mother's Little Helper?
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Before all of this when I was about 22 and had been sick for a little while and isolated I didn't feel right so I self-reported to the Southern Arizona Mental Health and went through intake. Diagnosis panic disorder severe acute anxiety they kept me to review me for borderline
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It even told my mother and that step ass of mine when in La once they took us to a beautiful Steakhouse for my birthday Mom said what is your intention he said I'm going to marry her. He was already married he had lied lied lied I didn't still know and I stayed until I broke.
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The psychiatrist you put me on Prozac new this and said it would help with my drinking it did not I got involved with someone I liked who claimed he was separated on his way to divorce he played me he lived in another country I didn't even see what was true thought I was in love
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