It is the true teacher who leaves the class knowing they have learned the most.
Tucson, AZ
Joined September 2006
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I will simply continue to speak and demonstrate the truth, and I leave the wrongdoings of others to a witnessed and universal pattern I see.
I was also wronged very badly at the most awful time of this life. I will hold my head higher. I will not harm others for having harmed me.
That's not hate. That's a passage of difficulty. And I'm not enraged. My husband's death took that away somehow. I'm filled with love again.
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When I felt abandoned again, I blamed you. Then, I really got sicker and began to blame myself during my mother and husband's brain cancers.
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For me, the child of abuse, of the streets, of a world that is not like so many of that of my wealthier, healthier "peers" I was hurt young.
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So no, it's not hate. It was a profound anger and rage at a world and industry that I loved and felt loved by. Then, felt abandoned by.
All my work was disability advocacy - St. John's University gopher resources, GEnie SysOp for the Disabilities RT (hahaha, I'm really old!).
If that did happen, I don't remember. What I remember is people staring at me with fear, which I read as anger. Then I got mean. Not cool.
That is a very damaging thing to a sensitive person. When I re-entered the workforce, I thought people would be happy, I'd be made welcome.
Just imagine - 3 YEARS in bed, so sick at times no memories were imprinted at all, bleeding vomiting dying, no social interaction? Can you?
People were tough, I interpreted that as being mean TO me. They weren't always. I just perceived it as my awareness of society didn't scale.
When I came out of social isolation from illness and into the workforce in the year that WILL live in infamy 2016, I was utterly unprepared.
What I do know is that I was isolated with illness and on 1st year weird genetic meds from 2013 onward. Much has changed in our world since.
The answer I gave to whether I hated or loved an audience of people I know, I never met of stay quiet but read, was "Yes." I'm wrong though.
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A friend stuck a comment into my brain that has been at me all day. He wondered whether or not I loved you or hated you (you as "my peeps.")
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and it still is true of all human. But yes, divergence implies "outside a certain set of consistent patterns"