Alice has #DownSyndrome. In spite of years of effort, Alice hasn't been able to grasp basic arithmetic, so money doesn't have a lot of meaning to her beyond the stuff you give people to get something. This is not uniform across people with Down syndrome, but it's not uncommon.
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One of our big goals for her is independence. Up to this point when she got coffee at DD, she's gotten it via a parent at the drive through. She knows how stores work because we've been doing grocery shopping together for a decade.
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So consider what is necessary to do this: you need to be able to go into the shop, wait in line, place your order, be able to repair broken communication, collect change, get her coffee and walk out.
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Plus there's a consent aspect. I didn't want to just throw her into this, so I asked her whether she wanted to go through the drive up or go inside on her own. Obvs, she picked the latter.
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Next was figuring out if she had enough money. She surprised me in knowing that it cost $2. Next we had to check if she had $2 because if she paid on her own with anything but, she would be as likely as not to ignore the change.
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Finally, you don't just do this to a store without their consent, so I had her wait in the car while I spoke with the man behind the counter to get his consent, set his expectations, and reassure him that if there was an issue she'd come get me.
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I bet you never thought that getting a cup of coffee was so complicated, did you? All these steps are things that most people do without thinking. In our case, the steps have to be broken down and scaffolded and over the course of years, the scaffolding gets taken down.
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Will she ever be truly independent? No. Assuredly not. But neither is independence binary. The goal is more "as independent as possible under the circumstances" and that's why the process of learning to get a cup of coffee takes a decade.
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Whenever you feel like you are failing at parenting, remember this day. This day was a wonderful day for both your daughter and for you. Kudos!
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Right there with you, brother. I became a step-parent at age 45 and have been trying to measure up since then. Sometimes all you can do is try to be better tomorrow.
May 28, 2022 · 6:46 PM UTC
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