So far I've spent 90 minutes waiting for my new laptop to sort itself out with Windows updates. I could install Debian in less time.
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After 2h30m I gave up and wiped it. Debian is installing now.
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And now Debian's installed, my custom desktop is running, I have installed chrome, my custom IRC client, and I'm basically done.

May 22, 2017 ยท 8:52 PM UTC

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Replying to @dsilverstone
What I don't understand is why you wasted two and a half perfectly good hours beforehand.
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I wanted to give Windows a chance to justify its use of 10% of my storage. It failed.