And the more I try to understand stuff, the more annoyed and frustrated I get, and the more painful it all is to me.
There was a test for a particularly difficult subject (to me anyway) on Thursday and I prepared myself like crazy.
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And then it came around and I couldn't even answer half of the questions, and I sat there trying to hard not to cry because while studying, I thought "Finally, I get this. Finally it feels like I'm smart enough to pass this."
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After the first semester, I thought a lot about dropping out.
And now I'm back to that. I'm back to constantly thinking about just leaving and.. doing something else.
But that is my problem: I don't know what else I could do.
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Because doing this has been my dream for so long, I'd never even though about anything else. Neither a different uni nor a different subject, nor really anything else at all.
So if I dropped out now, I'd be even more perspectiveless than I am right now.
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And I feel like this is just such a stupid problem. "Oh I was too smart in school and now that uni comes around I feel stupid because I don't know how to study."
And it probably is a really stupid and meaningless problem, but I really don't know what to do with my life at all.
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My general feeling on this is that if uni isn't working for you, then it's not healthy to try and force yourself into it. Taking a gap year to gain some perspective can be an excellent thing I've seen work for many people.
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Many companies offer a gap-year type employment opportunity for people. I know that we have done so for people both before uni and mid-uni courses. Indeed one ended up staying here instead of going to uni.
Take your time, consider your options, and I'm sure you'll get there.
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While it sounds daft, just put together a CV, which I appreciate will be short on work for you, but you can include talk of Rock Bottom, and how that helps you understand practical programming. And then put a cover letter which says you want a year to reconsider things (tbc)
Jun 11, 2018 ยท 1:31 PM UTC
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