And then when uni came around, all of a sudden, I had to study so much to even understand the simplest stuff. I didn't really have any friends to study with, so I basically just tumbled into depression trying to learn stuff without any motivation.

The second semester (which is now) has been going a bit better because I made some friends. But they're all really smart and keep talking about how easy everything is, and how logical it all is. They help me and study with me, but I still feel like a stupid person in comparison.

And the more I try to understand stuff, the more annoyed and frustrated I get, and the more painful it all is to me. There was a test for a particularly difficult subject (to me anyway) on Thursday and I prepared myself like crazy.

And then it came around and I couldn't even answer half of the questions, and I sat there trying to hard not to cry because while studying, I thought "Finally, I get this. Finally it feels like I'm smart enough to pass this."

After the first semester, I thought a lot about dropping out. And now I'm back to that. I'm back to constantly thinking about just leaving and.. doing something else. But that is my problem: I don't know what else I could do.

Because doing this has been my dream for so long, I'd never even though about anything else. Neither a different uni nor a different subject, nor really anything else at all. So if I dropped out now, I'd be even more perspectiveless than I am right now.

And I feel like this is just such a stupid problem. "Oh I was too smart in school and now that uni comes around I feel stupid because I don't know how to study." And it probably is a really stupid and meaningless problem, but I really don't know what to do with my life at all.

So yea, that's it I guess. I'm feeling more lost than I ever did before.

I'm probably just a stupid teenager, heh.

My general feeling on this is that if uni isn't working for you, then it's not healthy to try and force yourself into it. Taking a gap year to gain some perspective can be an excellent thing I've seen work for many people.