I decided to invest in bitcoin today to see what it is all about. I bought $4. It is now worth $3.84.

My investment is down to $3.74. I’ve officially lost a quarter on bitcoin.

Oh shit my $4 bitcoin investment is worth $4.12 today.

My bitcoin investment is at $4.72. I bought at $4. Do I have to report this on my taxes? Shit.

My $4 bitcoin investment is now worth $4.80. I’ve learned “hodl” is internet speak for “don’t sell.” I’m gonna sell this shit if I can get it above $6. Then Coinbase gets $2 in transaction fees and my bitcoin experiment ends as a wash.

And that’s it, I’m done with bitcoin. I’ll nuke my Coinbase account from space once it is done sending me my seven pennies of profit.

The bitcoin money hit my account. I officially made 7 pennies on this shitshow. I have a problem though. What the fuck do I do with .00000017 bitcoin. That’s like 3 Stanley nickles or something.