You're right, need a slab of iron much too big to be called a sword first

He just like me fr fr

Probably how it went down

Its Berserking time - John Berserk

This one is gonna nuke some dudes day

I don't think I'd wanna be like Guts. His life fucking sucks

This one is just like me fr because I need some delicious meat now

I’m literally Guts from Kentaro Miuras critically acclaimed dark fantasy series Berserk (1989)

Berserk is a story about gradually recovering from trauma and finding meaning in a life that consists only of pain, which are both laudable goals. But that's not what we're talking about aspiring to here is it. Just go lift weights and be surly, anyone can do that.