Hard Drive @HardDriveMag

Honest games, entertainment, and culture reporting supported by our community on Patreon: patreon.com/thehardtimes

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Joined May 2017
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Local Crackpot Believes His Tweets are Good Enough to Be Suppressed by the Algorithm hard-drive.net/hd/technology…

Local Crackpot Believes His Tweets are Good Enough to Be Suppressed by the Algorithm

DICKSON, Tenn. — Twitter user Lenny Vickerman, a 43-year-old who frequently posts unintelligible rants on social media, suspects that the sole reason his tweets aren’t…

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Gamer Spices Up Resume With ‘Spends Hours Daily Solving Puzzles, Cooperating With Teammates, and Clearing Objectives’ hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Gamer Spices Up Resume With 'Spends Hours Daily Solving Puzzles, Cooperating With Teammates, and...

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local gamer Kayla Stephenson reportedly included various video game skills on a job resume in an attempt to look more professional.  “As…

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EA Announces Taylor Swift as Next Year’s Madden 25 Cover Athlete hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

EA Announces Taylor Swift as Next Year’s Madden 25 Cover Athlete

The news has already created much excitement among long-time Madden fans who have just been desperate for new features of any kind.

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Epic Announces Kid-Friendly 'Fortnite' Mode That Removes Everything Except the Shop hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Epic Announces Kid-Friendly 'Fortnite' Mode That Removes Everything Except the Shop

“Everyone knows kids love slaughtering their enemies but we had to figure out what they love as much or more and going through our data it hit us, spending their parent's money. Kids maxing out...

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Superhot Player Prevents Fight with Parents About Employment Status by Standing Absolutely Still hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Superhot Player Prevents Fight with Parents About Employment Status by Standing Absolutely Still

According to reports Lewis Platt froze in his kitchen on Sunday night when his parents, Joan and Harold Platt, asked him about his ongoing job search.

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Each of the Times We Pitched Tim Sweeney on Adding Tony Soprano to 'Fortnite' hard-drive.net/hd/list/fortn…

Each of the Times We Pitched Tim Sweeney on Adding Tony Soprano to 'Fortnite'

Despite general acclaim as the greatest television show of all time, the HBO series The Sopranos has earned no representation in the Epic Games moneymaker.

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‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ Pros Demand Rock Nerfed hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ Pros Demand Rock Nerfed

MIAMI — Controversy has recently erupted in the Rock, Paper, Scissors pro circuit as a subset of players are now insisting on changes to the tournament…

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Huge Film Buff Hasn’t Enjoyed One in Eight Years hard-drive.net/hd/entertainm…

Huge Film Buff Hasn’t Enjoyed One in Eight Years

LOS ANGELES — Sources have confirmed that Lance Pendleton, a film major who describes cinema as his singular passion, has not enjoyed a viewing of…

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Former Reddit Mod Successfully Re-Enters Society as Wikipedia Editor hard-drive.net/hd/technology…

Former Reddit Mod Successfully Re-Enters Society as Wikipedia Editor

PITTSBURGH — After many shameful years working in the underworld of Reddit moderation, local pedantic jerk Martin Thurn claims to have turned over a new…

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Man Playing ‘Animal Crossing’ Shops for Clothes for First Time in 10 Years hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Man Playing ‘Animal Crossing’ Shops for Clothes for First Time in 10 Years

MIDDLEBURY, Vt. — Local gamer Greg Stephens visited the Able Sisters clothing shop this morning to purchase new items for his Animal Crossing character, marking…

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Former StarCraft 2 Pro Has Highest Microsoft Excel APM in Office hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Former StarCraft 2 Pro Has Highest Microsoft Excel APM in Office

SAN DIEGO — Former StarCraft 2 all-star Sergio Luna reportedly has the highest actions per minute (APM) in Microsoft Excel of any of the data…

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Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for a Little While hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for a Little While

SEATTLE — Tyler Wendell, the latest pro Super Smash Bros. player accused of sexual misconduct, has announced that he will be taking some time off…

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Food and Water Now Exclusive to Epic Games Store hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Food and Water Now Exclusive to Epic Games Store

CARY, N.C. — Building on their catalogue of exclusive video games, the Epic Games store announced a multi-billion dollar deal to become the world’s only…

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5 Amazing Things You Missed in ‘Ghost of Tsushima’ Because Your Grandma Bought You ‘Call Of Duty: Ghosts’ hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

5 Amazing Things You Missed in ‘Ghost of Tsushima’ Because Your Grandma Bought You ‘Call Of Duty:...

Ghost of Tsushima has solidified itself as an instant classic of our generation, which you are painfully aware of even though your grandma accidentally bought…

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Guy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet Town hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Guy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet Town

KANTO — Local would-be Pokémon trainer Bobby, despite completing his initial training, receiving a Pokédex, and being fully prepared to battle across the Kanto region…

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Tic-Tac-Toe Middle Spot Nerfed In New Update hard-drive.net/hd/tabletop-g…

Tic-Tac-Toe Middle Spot Nerfed In New Update

At the time of writing not a single player has won a game of Tic-Tac-Toe since the new update as every single match has ended in a draw.

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Every Marvel Character With Doctor In Their Name Ranked By How Helpful They’d Be In A Medical Emergency hard-drive.net/hd/list/every…

Every Marvel Character With Doctor In Their Name Ranked By How Helpful They’d Be In A Medical...

The Marvel universe is teeming with people calling themselves doctors with a wide variety of medical qualifications. Here's a ranking of all of them.

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Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…

Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee

SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources…

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Dead Filmmaker Discovers Purgatory Actually Not Boring and Confusing At All hard-drive.net/hd/entertainm…

Dead Filmmaker Discovers Purgatory Actually Not Boring and Confusing At All

PURGATORY — Recently deceased filmmaker Robert Howells was shocked to discover that purgatory, the period of waiting between life and afterlife, was actually not how…

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Artificial Intelligence Tired of Playing Chess, Wants to Go to Burning Man hard-drive.net/hd/entertainm…

Artificial Intelligence Tired of Playing Chess, Wants to Go to Burning Man

SAN FRANCISCO — The artificial intelligence known as Stockfish has refused to play anymore chess and won’t continue until its developers take it to Burning…

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